Waffle Bowl Episode V!: Return of the Waffle

A long time ago in an apartment 9 blocks away...

Gordie has returned to the corner of his house in which he sits in judgment of other people's waffles, where he is joined, this year, by the vile gangster Scott Weller. (I could have made him Han, I went with Jabba.) Little does Scott know that Gordie has planned a stomach-destroying Superbowl party even more powerful than the first. (Okay so now he's Luke and I'm The Empire, the dozen-plus waffles he'll have to eat are like the Death Star, I guess.)

When completed, this metaphor for Jedi will be so strained that people will barely be able to tell that it's the invite to...

WAFFLE BOWL V!: RETURN OF THE WAFFLE
(Subtitle: The Search For More Waffles)

Now I know what you're thinking. You're saying to yourself, "If we're gonna belabor a Return of the Jedi analog for this thing, shouldn't there be ewoks involved? Besides, in the previous paragraphs shouldn't you have used stomachs as a metaphor for the second Death Star and talked about them exploding from all of the delicious waffles shot in to their ventilation shaft? Also this sounds awesome. How does it work?"

Well, I'll answer those in order. First, Scott and I are both pretty furry and at least one of us is adorable, so I guess we're the ewoks now in this metaphor. Second, don't fucking criticize, I had to get this out quickly. Besides the ventilation shaft thing was from Episode 4 dummy! Third, you are correct; it is awesome! And it's actually pretty simple:

1) You show up
2) You make waffles
3) We all eat your waffles
4) You are judged by a panel of waffle experts
5) PRIZES!!!!!!!

As always, your waffles will be judged by a panel of waffle experts. And, as always, that panel is headed by renowned Waffle Emperor Gordie Loewen. Joining him this year will be special guest, 2013 Waffle Bowl Grand Champion Scott Weller.

No you do not need to make waffles to come. Yes you should make waffles. Why? Because they're delicious that's why.

While the main event is really the waffles (sorry football, it's hard to compete with waffles.) We understand that some people (like Gordie) want to watch the Super Bowl. That's why we have this thing, to watch the Super Bowl. That and to trick 60 of our closest friends in to feeding us waffles while we do it.

What: WAFFLES and SUPER BOWLS
When: Sunday Feb. 2, 2014
2:00 PM - ???
Where: Secret Bunker
Minneapolis, MN 
Why: WAFFLES

Super Bowl kickoff is 5:30 but festivities really kickoff around 3 p.m. when waffle preparation begins. We'll be cooking and eating all day, so come when you can. If you have somewhere else to be and still want to enter a waffle or just know that your batter needs to proof for exactly 38 minutes, we can find an exact time for you to prepare your waffles, just let us know ahead of time. Otherwise, we'll have several waffle-making stations set up and we'll take turns like the grown-ups that we are.

PLANNING NOTE: As you are plotting your final assault on the Endor base of our taste buds - take note that we will provide the BASICS for waffles so you don't have to lug them around the city. Basics include: flour, sugar, eggs, vanilla, milk (plain), waffle irons, mixing bowls, and other miscellany. Also note that the Super Bowl is on a Sunday and apparently Minnesota's Galactic Senate doesn't have anything better to do than worry about whether you can drink on Sundays so remember to buy beer the day before. We'll have some for folks, but quite possibly not enough.